I can’t believe how quickly another year has flown by. In my family, the passing of time is marked by major life events: birthdays, vacations, kids’ sports activities, the end of school, the beginning of school and holidays. Everything in between seems like a blur. Sometimes it’s hard to slow down and appreciate all the things that really matter in life, like the health and happiness of my family, friends — and me! So when this month’s question came in, it got me thinking about how we teach children about gratitude.
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In my line of work, I often hear people describe two communication patterns they’ve noticed in the workplace: 1) they have a hard time saying positive things about themselves, and 2) they tend to hear more “constructive criticism” than genuine praise and positive feedback from their colleagues. The two patterns are usually related and exist for many complicated reasons.
My oldest child is about to turn 18. Soon, he’ll leave our home and continue his own journey into adulthood. I can hardly believe it. When he was younger, he ran barefoot to the bus stop every morning – even in the winter – holding his socks and shoes because he’d lost track of time and was in danger of missing the bus. Every. Morning.
My teenage daughter sometimes leaves me sweet notes on the whiteboard in my home office. She recently wrote, “Thank you for making time for me, even when you could be working.” It made my heart melt because I know she genuinely loves to spend time with me. I hope that doesn’t change as she gets older. The note was also heart-wrenching because it reminded me how she often gets disappointed when I have to work instead of spend time with her. I get disappointed, too. I took a picture of that message to remind myself that although my children are becoming increasingly independent, they still need me to be present in their lives.
I love this time of the year. The holidays we celebrate serve as an important reminder to be thankful for what we have – including each other – and help others in need. I love how holiday celebrations from many religions and cultures share a similar purpose and bring out the best in people. However, holidays can also be a difficult time for many families, and heightened stress and tension can highlight our human flaws. Holidays can quickly become something “to get through” instead of a time for reflection and celebration. Sound familiar? 
My teenage son recently announced he’d read an article on “helicopter parents” for his English class. This was stated while negotiating his weekend plans, and said with a look and tone that implied the article was about us. When asked what that term meant to him, he said, “Parents who hover over their kids so much that the kids don’t learn to do things on their own, so they’re not prepared to be independent.” Ouch.
The start of a new school year is both an exciting and hectic time in my family. My kids look forward to reuniting with friends and meeting new teachers, and I look forward to the predictability of the school-year routine.
Some days, I miss having babies. Not enough to actually have more babies, but I have many fond memories (and thousands of pictures) of my children’s early years. I spent hours gazing at my first-born son, captivated by his every expression and movement. But I also felt overwhelmed, uncertain and tired as an inexperienced parent. Very tired.
Happy summer? Yes, that’s a question. Like many working parents, I’ve been awaiting summer vacation since school started last fall. I breathed a sigh of relief on the last day of school, then the reality of summer scheduling sank in. With two full-time working parents in our family, we have to make sure our kids are in safe, supervised places during the day.
I love my kids. I repeat, I love my kids. And yet, raising them to be kind, confident, capable individuals who will be ready for adulthood (or at least get to school on time) is exhausting. I can’t imagine trying to raise them on my own, but I know there are many single-parent families who are raising children successfully.
