Let’s Talk Parenting: Encouraging a Growth Mindset
When kids are young, it's completely natural for parents to wonder and worry about their safety, happiness, and well-being. As children grow older and more independent, it takes real, ongoing effort for parents to shift their mindset and manage their emotions so that their concerns don't accidentally hold their kids back. That effort can feel exhausting at times, but the payoff is so worth it.
It's a great reminder of the "growth mindset,” an inspiring concept developed by Carol Dweck, a Stanford University psychology professor. People with a "fixed mindset" tend to believe they're simply born with certain abilities, intelligence, and talents, and that there's little they can do to change them. People with a "growth mindset" believe the brain works like a muscle — it grows stronger the more we use it! They embrace challenges, give things their best shot, and stay open to learning and growing through feedback. That is a positive mindset we can all nurture, in ourselves and in our kids.
Here are some tips to try with kids of all ages:
Encourage children and teens to set goals and self-evaluate their progress. Talk with your kids about something they would like to work on or improve. Help them identify a goal and the steps they need to take to achieve it. Aim for a goal that feels both realistic and challenging to achieve. Then, after they’ve had time to work towards their goal, ask questions that encourage your kids to reflect on their progress: What have you tried? What’s working well? What’s difficult? What will you do differently in the future?
Praise both efforts and achievements. Descriptive praise acknowledges a child’s efforts and ties it to the goal or outcome the child is working toward. This boosts a child’s self-esteem and also reinforces the belief that continuous effort leads to continuous improvements. Examples of descriptive praise include, “You spent a lot of time studying for that test and your score is higher than last time. That’s progress!” or “You did a good job trying different ways to solve this problem and sticking with it until you figured it out.”
Teach your child steps to solve problems independently. In Triple P, the steps in the problem-solving process are 1) define the problem or issue, 2) brainstorm possible solutions, 3) choose a solution, 4) try it out, and 5) review what worked well and what adjustments are needed for the future. These are steps that children and teens of any age (and adults!) can learn and practice. Parents and other adults can help children become independent problem-solvers by gradually reducing the amount of telling – “You should try this next time,” – and increasing the amount of asking – “What will you do next time?”
Set a good example. It’s common for adults to talk about having a growth mindset, but then respond to their own or others’ mistakes and struggles by becoming anxious, overly concerned, or controlling. One of the best ways for adults to foster a growth mindset in children is to have regular conversations about setting goals, trying new ideas and approaches, making mistakes, trying again, and acknowledging accomplishments. It will be even more powerful when children see and hear adults doing this about their own challenges and mistakes.
Final Thoughts: Developing a growth mindset is a lifelong process. Positive parenting strategies are valuable tools that help foster a growth mindset, which is one of the greatest gifts that parents can give their children.
This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world-renowned, scientifically proven Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County with children ages birth to 16, including children with special needs. Triple P is available locally, thanks to a partnership between First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Behavioral Health Services Act), and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit http://triplep.first5scc.org or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at (831) 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.
If you have a question or idea for a future column, please email triplep@first5scc.org.
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