Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and I love that we have a holiday dedicated to showing the people we care about how much we love and cherish them! As my daughter grows and begins to understand the holidays more, we want to create family traditions with her that make her feel loved. For us, we like to show love with random acts of kindness—like my husband brewing coffee in the morning, handling the grocery runs (which I don’t enjoy), or sending a thoughtful message. It’s making dinner, eating together, sharing our day, offering cuddles, building pillow forts, and dancing together. There are so many ways to show love and celebrate love. As we think about our Valentine’s traditions, we envision a day filled with fun and no pressure—enjoying a love-themed dinner, sharing what we appreciate about each other, taking a long stroll together, and carving out quality time as parents like talking over a cup of tea, having a cozy movie night. We also value moments of self-care, like reading a book, taking a bath, or going for a walk. I am excited to start our own Valentine’s family traditions that are meaningful and true to us!
This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org.
Dear Yesenia,
The holiday rush has barely settled, and my kids (5, 9) are already asking what I’m getting them for Valentine’s Day. They would be happy with any gift I would give them, but I don’t really want to give them more stuff. When I explained that Valentine’s Day is about showing love, not just giving things, they weren’t convinced. I’d love to teach them that love doesn’t always come in the form of presents. Can you offer some ideas to make it meaningful without the usual gifts?
- Kristin
Dear Kristin,
What a great idea! So many holidays feel like a giant commercial for cards, candy, flowers and toys. It’s easy to forget the true purpose of many holidays, like giving thanks, celebrating miracles or showing love. Here are some ideas for simple ways to teach your kids about love on Valentine’s Day or any day of the year:
Say “I love you” with words, notes, pictures or texts. Parents and children often forget to say these words or say them without genuine feeling. A simple, heartfelt “I love you” is a powerful way to remind each other that you care. If your kids aren’t used to saying these words to you or each other, try turning it into a game or competition to see who can find the most creative or surprising way to leave a loving note, picture or text.
Do an activity together without distractions or interruptions. Take turns picking an activity, starting with one of your kids. Turn off phones, tablets and other devices that create distractions and interrupt your time together. Make an agreement that everyone will participate with enthusiasm, even if it’s not an activity each of you would choose to do on your own. This encourages children to learn how to compromise, take turns and consider other people’s feelings and interests — all of which are simple acts of love.
Have dinner together. Research shows that having regular family dinners has tremendous benefits for children and youth, including better academic performance, higher self-esteem and lower risk of substance abuse and depression. Family meals provide an important opportunity to talk with children about their interests, friends, school and life. Start a conversation about a topic that has nothing to do with homework, chores, family rules or daily routines. Ask questions, listen to what they say and encourage them to ask you questions. This teaches valuable communication and social skills that will help your children in future relationships.
Say what you appreciate about each other. Be specific and sincere. Describe a quality that makes each of them special, such as their sense of humor or creativity. Acknowledge something they’ve done at home to be kind and helpful, like asking how your day was or doing a chore with a cheerful attitude. Set the example of how to express appreciation then encourage them to do the same with you and each other. Over time, expressing appreciation will become a habit.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Remember there are many ways to teach children about giving and receiving love on Valentine’s Day and every day. The simple acts of love often mean the most and create the happiest family memories.
Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo is the mother of a 2-year-old daughter and the Triple P Program Manager for First 5 Santa Cruz County. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency, and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visithttp://triplep.first5scc.org,http://www.facebook.com/triplepscc, or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 ortriplep@first5scc.org.
Comments